The Search for Lugia
by Luminik
Summary: The adventures of Falkner and Morty as they quest to find and capture the ellusive Lugia. Fun! Laughs! Adventure!


**The Search for Lugia**

"Alright Pidgeotto! Now use your wings to whip up the dirt! Dull it's electricity!" Falkner called. His Pidgeotto screeched in response and dove at the ground.

"Psst, Falkner.."

"Quick, Sweetcheeks! Use Headbutt and knock it off course!" His opponent, a young boy, instructed his Mareep which broke into a run.

"Faaaalkner..."

Falkner's Pidgeotto balked a few feet from the ground and swung it's wings forward hard. The force of the blast whipped a thick cloud of dirt into the face of the advancing Mareep.

"Falky-chan..."

"Sweetcheeks! Use your swift to cut through that dust!"

"Pidgeotto! Fly up high so it can't hit you!"

"Maareeep!" The lamb-like Pokemon cried and shot a multitude of golden stars from it's tail. The stars whizzed through the air towards Pidgeotto who tipped into a sharp turn to avoid them. Falkner gave a smug look but the young boy did not look worried. After shooting past the bird Pokemon, the golden stars turned and rebounded back towards Pidgeotto, slamming into it's back. Pidgeotto cried out and began to lose altitude as it staggered to stay aloft.

"Hey, Falkner!"

The boy pointed at Pidgeotto triumphantly, "Now Mareep! Finish it off with a Thundershock!"

"What!?" Falkner yelled, his voice dripping with annoyance and anger.

The boy threw his head back laughing haughtily, "That's right, Gym leader! You heard correctly! I'm using Thundershock! Let's see your precious bird Pokemon stand up to that! Ahahahahaha!"

"No!" Falkner snapped angrily, "I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to him!" He pointed to the sidelines where Morty was still calling to him.

"Hi Falkner!" Morty called gleefully while waving a hand.

"What the hell do you want." Falkner grumbled and called back his exhausted Pidgeotto.

Morty shrugged, "I want to talk."

"In case you haven't noticed," Falkner retorted, "I'm in the middle of a battle!"

"I'll help!" Morty said enthusiastically and threw a pokeball into the air, "Go Haunter!" The ball burst open and the purple ghost Pokemon appeared on the field.

"Hey!" The young trainer yelled, "That's not fair! This is a flying Pokemon gym!"

"Hey, that's not fair! This is a flying Pokemon gym!" Morty mocked in a high pitched voice then pointed to his Haunter, "Well it's flying, isn't it?"

"But.. but!" The boy sputtered.

Morty stuck out his tongue and pulled down one of his eyelids, "Bee~da!" Haunter laughed at his master's actions and tried to imitate him, but when he pulled down one of his eyelids, his eye fell out.

The boy's Mareep watched the eye with pure horror as it rolled across the gym floor, leaving a slimy trail and picking up dirt and hairs. The eye came to a stop against the Mareep's leg. The Mareep screamed and passed out.

"I win!" Morty cheered.

The trainer grumbled angrily and called back his Mareep. Morty laughed as the boy stomped out of the gym, "Ya that's right! You walk away! Loser!"

Falkner sighed and covered his face with his hand as Morty continued to yell insults at the trainer.

"And what the hell kind of nickname is 'Sweetcheeks'? You think that one up all by yourself, Fruitcake? I bet you wear frilly undies to match that gender of yours, you girl! You even battle like a girl! All weak and scared!"

"Ehehe.. Morty?" Falkner laughed nervously, "I _really_ don't think you should be making those sexist comments."

"Why?" Morty scoffed, "It's true! What can girls do anyw-AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Clair latched on to Morty's head snarling and hissing and tearing at clumps of his hair.

"I tried to warn you." Falkner sighed as Morty ran around screaming in the background.

Some time and some bandages later…

"So why did you feel the need to come here again?" Falkner asked while pouring some bird seed into a dish.

Morty clasped Falkner's hand and stared deep into his eyes, "Falkner, I need your help."

"Stop that! You're creeping me out!" Falkner barked and slapped Morty's hands away, "What do you need help with?"

"Phoebe."

"Phoebe?"

We are shown a brief clip of a woman with gigantic flowers plastered to the sides of her head screeching and dancing psychotically around a burning pokeball.

Falkner stared at Morty with a look of pure disgust "...why Morty...why her?"

"Come on!" Morty exclaimed, "She has ghost Pokemon. I have ghost Pokemon. What more could I possibly want in a girl?"

"Maybe some sanity?!" Falkner cried.

"It's just the way things are." Morty explained slowly, "I get Phoebe; Wallace gets Misty; Wattson and Lt. Surge get together; and Sabrina, Will, and the creepy twins Tate and Lisa have a big...well...you know..."

"That's disgusting!"

"Look! I don't make the rules, I just follow them!"

"Well, they're stupid rules!"

"It's not our place to argue!"

"What about Agatha, huh?" Falkner snapped jutting a finger at Morty's chest, "doesn't she train ghost Pokemon too?"

"You mean her?" Morty asked raising his leg to show Agatha chewing on it while mumbling about "my precious".

"..."

Morty lowered his leg, "Don't ask."

"......"

"So!" Morty said cheerfully, nudging Falkner with his elbow, "What about you and Winona, eh?"

"Winona." Falkner hissed and a nearby barrel erupted into flames. We are shown several pictures of Winona with her face ripped off, covered with darts, or filled with bullet holes, and a small Winona voodoo doll pinned to the back of the fireplace by a katana.

Morty watched with wide-eyed fascination as Falkner shook with blind rage. Knowing his temperamental friend, it probably wouldn't be long before Falkner hurt someone.

"Good day, Falkner!" Professor Elm chirped, "I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar?"

Speak of the devil...

Falkner growled and glared at Professor Elm who smiled and waved back. Morty sighed, it was obvious Falkner was giving Professor Elm fair warning - like a rattlesnake shaking it's tail, or a cat arching it's back. However, the dim-witted Professor didn't seem to notice. Shaking his head, Morty ran off to find Falkner's anger management pills, deciding it better to calm him before he caused any real damage.

Professor Elm laughed cheerfully, "Hate to bother you like this Falkner, but you know it's the funniest story of how I ran out of sugar! I started this morning when I woke up and thought, gee what a beautiful day! So I-EEEEEEEEEEEK!!"

Falkner pulled a katana from the wall and slashed at Professor Elm, narrowly missing his throat. With a terrified yelp, Elm stumbled backwards and fell to the floor. Falkner snarled and raised the katana above his head.

"Stop Falkner!"

Elm turned to see Morty sail through the air and tackle Falkner, pinning him to the ground. He grabbed hold of Falkner's wrists and forced them above his head, while he sat on the perturbed bird master's legs. Falkner hissed with indignation and thrashed out at Morty.

"You're going to have to calm down." Morty said slowly and shifted so that he held Falkner's wrists with one hand and grabbed for the pills with the other.

"These are good pills." Morty continued, holding the pills out to Falkner, "They'll make you feel aaallll better..."

Falkner snorted and turned his head away. Morty frowned, "Look buddy, either you take your *bleep*ing pills or I'll shove them up your *bleep*ing a--"

"Morty!" Professor Elm gasped and slapped the back of his head, "Keep it clean!"

"Sorry." Morty muttered then turned and shoved the pills down Falkner's throat.

***

"Here's your sugar, Elm." Morty smiled and handed the Professor a bag of sugar. "Really sorry about the whole - you being attacked thing, it was kinda my fault."

"Don't worry about it. After all, there was no permanent damage." Elm replied optimistically.

"Who you talking to, neko-chan?" Falkner slurred as he stumbled into view. He tripped over his feet and fell onto Morty.

"Is he going to be all right?" Professor Elm asked concerned.

Falkner licked the side of Morty's face.

"Oh, don't worry! He'll be fine!" Morty assured the Professor, "You see, I couldn't find his anger management pills, so I just used my pills instead!"

"You mean your drugs?"

"Well, if you want to put it so harshly, I suppose you could say that."

Professor Elm laughed nervously. Morty waved goodbye, then stepped back into the gym.


End file.
